Thankfully, I’m allowed to do all my workouts that don’t involve my arms. I hit the exercise bike on Wednesday, doing a “hill” routine because 15 minutes of “flat” gets boring. Then I did 15 minutes of hills on the treadmill and had a grand time working my legs with weights. It’s going to be a drag not being able to do weights with my arms though.
I’ve never taken heavy duty pain medication before (well, maybe I did when I had my wisdom teeth out, but if so they didn’t help much – I was in agony for two days). I slept (mostly) like a baby last night thanks to the vicodin. Must be good stuff. I’m gung-ho for my workout today, although at the moment my shoulder still aches.
Monday was the last of my personal training sessions. I was briefly contemplating begging some more sessions from DH (they’re &*&^!%! expensive!) but as it turns out my trainer is leaving the gym for a better position anyway. Today was my first day working out on my own, and I’m very pleased with myself for having done it.
I did not not not not want to go. With no appointment, it’s all on me to get my butt down there and actually do it, and it was hard. But I did go, and I did do a full one hour workout and I didn’t weenie out of any sets of quit when it the work got hard. Go me.
I have to say that it does kind of stink working out alone. I’d advertise for an exercise buddy but my needs are pretty specific. I guess I’ll keep at it on my own for a while and see how it goes.
I had a “moment” today during my workout. The trainer had me doing a lot of cardio (which was feeling pretty good), but towards the end when we started doing some weights I got really shaky and a little nauseous. That kinda sucked! We sat down in some chairs for about five minutes, and I started to feel better, and then we finished up with abs and stretching.
It was just weird, because I wasn’t pushing myself any harder than I have before. I guess my body just wasn’t feeling cooperative today.
I got all kinds of good lower body stuff in though, but I kind of miss the arm stuff I didn’t get to do. Maybe I’ll come back down to the gym tomorrow and do it.
I’ve got bananas and peanut butter at home, and mangos and dried apricots…yum!
On Friday I decided to spring for the Enell bra. My personal trainer had me doing bunny hops (okay, they were supposed to be big hops, but they ended up being more like bunny hops to me…) at my session that day, and by the end I was convinced that any more and my boobs were going to fall off. I had been doing jump-rope too… By the end, I was clinging to them, uncaring about how it looked, while I jumped. Clearly, a problem…
So I took myself down to lucy, the shop in the Pearl District to check out the fabled bra. Let me just say that I probably won’t be going back to lucy anytime soon, either. Hello, Snooty City! I’m not fond of clothes shopping to begin with, and the last thing I need is to catch “Oh Ick, a Fat Lady” vibes from stick-figure salespeople.
But enough of that, on to the b-r-a. I tried one on, and decided it was worthy of purchase. They’re about as attractive as girdles, so I won’t be running around with a shirt off like the models on the website, but who cares! It seems to work pretty well. I have some budging, but not much, and I can certainly do my bunny hops and jump-rope without giving myself a black eye.
I bought a black one, but I think I’m going to have to ask for the purple one for my birthday… it’s a nice color.
I wore it today, although I didn’t do any jumping as my workout. On the plus side, the twins don’t drag on the floor when I’m doing push-ups, either. It’s a pain to put on, but other than that, I’m pleased.
It was hard getting through my workout today. I usually am really enthusiastic and have a good energy level at the start of my workout, but today I was feeling draggy. It was an effort, start to finish, to get through it. I was doing a lot of jumping and running up and down stairs, and the cheapa$$ bra I have isn’t cutting it, either. I’m either going to have to wear two bras or spring for the spendy one because bouncing boobs are pained boobs.
Then there is the fact that my body image is taking a beating. Given our nation’s collective body hatred (and fat hatred), this isn’t surprising, but it’s still depressing. It creates something of a cognitive dissonance for me, because I believe that body size shouldn’t matter, that one can be sexy at any size, yadda yadda yadda, and yet I secretly (well, until now) still want to lose weight because… well, because there are days when I can’t say “Hot Mama!” to the mirror and can only think “Fat Pig!” There are days like today when exercise isn’t a joyful expression of moving my body around but becomes an expression of frustration at how heavy I am, literally. Wouldn’t it be easier to trot up and down those stairs if I weighed less? Let’s not kid ourselves here, wouldn’t it be nice if OTHER people thought you were sexy too? More dissonance — who cares what other people think? *little voice* Sometimes I care…
Argh. I start to feel like I have one of those cartoon devils on one shoulder and a cartoon angel on the other, both whispering in my ear. The devil says “You’re fat and ugly and need to LOSE weight!” and the angel says “Love yourself, respect your body, you’re beautiful, don’t listen to him!”
It’s a conflicted existence. I’m not sure how I solve it, except that maybe if I ignore the devil most of the time I’ll feel better, at least.