On Friday I decided to spring for the Enell bra. My personal trainer had me doing bunny hops (okay, they were supposed to be big hops, but they ended up being more like bunny hops to me…) at my session that day, and by the end I was convinced that any more and my boobs were going to fall off. I had been doing jump-rope too… By the end, I was clinging to them, uncaring about how it looked, while I jumped. Clearly, a problem…
So I took myself down to lucy, the shop in the Pearl District to check out the fabled bra. Let me just say that I probably won’t be going back to lucy anytime soon, either. Hello, Snooty City! I’m not fond of clothes shopping to begin with, and the last thing I need is to catch “Oh Ick, a Fat Lady” vibes from stick-figure salespeople.
But enough of that, on to the b-r-a. I tried one on, and decided it was worthy of purchase. They’re about as attractive as girdles, so I won’t be running around with a shirt off like the models on the website, but who cares! It seems to work pretty well. I have some budging, but not much, and I can certainly do my bunny hops and jump-rope without giving myself a black eye.
I bought a black one, but I think I’m going to have to ask for the purple one for my birthday… it’s a nice color.
I wore it today, although I didn’t do any jumping as my workout. On the plus side, the twins don’t drag on the floor when I’m doing push-ups, either. It’s a pain to put on, but other than that, I’m pleased.
It was hard getting through my workout today. I usually am really enthusiastic and have a good energy level at the start of my workout, but today I was feeling draggy. It was an effort, start to finish, to get through it. I was doing a lot of jumping and running up and down stairs, and the cheapa$$ bra I have isn’t cutting it, either. I’m either going to have to wear two bras or spring for the spendy one because bouncing boobs are pained boobs.
Then there is the fact that my body image is taking a beating. Given our nation’s collective body hatred (and fat hatred), this isn’t surprising, but it’s still depressing. It creates something of a cognitive dissonance for me, because I believe that body size shouldn’t matter, that one can be sexy at any size, yadda yadda yadda, and yet I secretly (well, until now) still want to lose weight because… well, because there are days when I can’t say “Hot Mama!” to the mirror and can only think “Fat Pig!” There are days like today when exercise isn’t a joyful expression of moving my body around but becomes an expression of frustration at how heavy I am, literally. Wouldn’t it be easier to trot up and down those stairs if I weighed less? Let’s not kid ourselves here, wouldn’t it be nice if OTHER people thought you were sexy too? More dissonance — who cares what other people think? *little voice* Sometimes I care…
Argh. I start to feel like I have one of those cartoon devils on one shoulder and a cartoon angel on the other, both whispering in my ear. The devil says “You’re fat and ugly and need to LOSE weight!” and the angel says “Love yourself, respect your body, you’re beautiful, don’t listen to him!”
It’s a conflicted existence. I’m not sure how I solve it, except that maybe if I ignore the devil most of the time I’ll feel better, at least.
Today I found a weblog called “Tales of Slow Brave Athena”, written by a plus size gal who walks marathons. Inspiring doesn’t even begin to describe this woman – she’s my fat hero of the week. Especially since I’m sore from lifting weights with my personal trainer yesterday and want to whine about it…
I especially liked the link and recommendation for the Enell Sports Bra. Anyone else tried one of these? I went out looking for a sports bra this weekend (try finding one of these in a 44DDD in regular stores…) and the best I could do was a 3X bra top at Target that isn’t exactly supportive. I bought it anyway (it was only $4.99, which tells you about the quality) and wore it yesterday, and it worked okay for the non-running up and down the stairs part of my workout. I really like that purple Enell bra though, so I might be tempted…
Yesterday I went shopping with my mom and brother and sister. My brother is 15 and my sister is almost 14. Needless to say, the teenagerdom is going strong and cracks me up. I found a few things on sale, namely a new pair of jeans, although they’re too long and I’ll have to shorten them.
My sister has discovered Yahoo! instant messenger and all her friends are on it. I had one of those weird generational moments, realizing that my sister and brother are growing up with all this technology that wasn’t around when I was a kid, and what a big difference 10-12 years makes. We didn’t have an internet connection when I was her age, and our computer was this slow, heavy warhorse that ran DOS. We didn’t have DVDs and I didn’t even have a CD player until I was about 17 or so.
Anyway, it’s not that I’m old, but technology has changed so much in the past 12 years that it makes a big difference in perspective and experiences. Would I have liked to have IM with my friends? You bet! We had to make do with the telephone.
It was a nice weekend, by all accounts.
Weirdest recent search string finding my blog: my brother’s little pee-pee.