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September 19th, 2004
Depression Sucks

It creeps up slowly. At some point, I realize that my irritability and anger and weepiness and moodiness has been getting worse and it’s not just a bad day or a bad week. Then something stupid sets me off and it’s two am and I’m sitting on the bathroom floor and I’ve been crying for an hour because I can’t stop.

Depression really sucks. Apparently, the medication can lose its effectiveness or stop working. I have to find a new doctor. DH’s job comes with health insurance, and since they’re paying for most of it, it doesn’t make sense to keep the insurance offered by my work — they’ll add the cost of the premium to my paycheck instead. So I have to find a new doctor, because DH’s employers have Providence and I have Kaiser.

I don’t know what she’ll say, but it’s likely I’ll have to try a different medication or she’ll add another one to the mix. That sucks too. I like what I’m taking now (except for the not working part) and the other drugs available have less pleasant side effects. Bleh.

We went to the market yesterday, for the first time in about a month. I did well, had some repeat customers who liked the new scents. I have more new scents coming, which will be cool. Soapmaking always seems to cheer me up, and selling soap definitely makes me feel good about myself. I have a successful business — I’m not stupid or a loser or a big fat idiot (the stuff your brain can come up with when you’re depressed is really amazing. It’s like majoring in self-hatred in college).

It was COLD yesterday, compared to summertime. Where did it go? It’s like jumping from summer to late October in a matter of a few days. The trees outside are definitely turning their leaves in a big hurry. I love the view; we can see the Fremont Bridge in one direction, and we’re high enough (fourth floor) to see lots of treetops. I bought myself a winter coat the other day — I’ll be WARM this winter for the first time in several years. It’s a Columbia Sportswear coat, waterproof and with a removable liner. I’m getting ready with the bread machine (mmm, hot bread) and soup recipes are being dug out of recipe books. I think hot bread and hot soup are my two favorite things about fall and winter. Easy to make, and yum.

At any rate, I’m experienced enough with my particular brand of mental illness to know I need to get some help and for once, I can go to a regular doctor instead of charity care. (Not that charity care isn’t quality — I’m probably going to miss how nice and caring and helpful the doctors I’ve seen have been). It’s somewhat ironic — the clinics my organization helps with technical assistance and advocacy are the same clinics I’ve visited when I didn’t have health insurance. In some small way, I feel like I’m able to really pay them back for the help I’ve received in the past.

Posted by Claire at 12:07 PM | Days Go By | Comments (46) | Tweet This Post

46 Responses to “Depression Sucks”

  1. Gordie says:

    My sister’s husband suffered from depression. It was hereditary and exacerbated by a severe concussion. He and my sister found that his brain chemistry would slowly adjust to the various drugs they tried. So, he had to change meds (sometimes back to ones that had worked previously for awhile) to cope with his body’s ability to negate the effects of his depression medication.

    Hope your treatment goes well.

  2. Kismet says:

    Depression sucks the big one. I’ve suffered for years and while I too ‘like’ the medication I’ve been on for quite sometime (except for stimulating my appetite and therefore causing me to gain weight!), I think it has stopped working and I will have to change meds. It is a major pain to have to do that.And if you are having to go to a new Dr. then you have to go thru the WHOLE rigamarole and be treated as if you don’t know your own body! I sympathize.
    ~K!

  3. depression sucks says:

    DEPRESSION SUCKS

  4. mech engineer says:

    “it’s like majoring in self-hatred in college”… what a perfect description! That made me laugh. I used to think about it as if my brain had a “fetish for driving through minefields.” I wish you the best of luck as you navigate around the landmines in your life. Hopefully someday we’ll be rid of this stupid disease.

  5. Me says:

    Ironically it’s been almost 3 years to the day since you (Claire) posted this. I am sitting here at midnight thinking about what I should get done tomorrow and knowing I won’t do it. I thought to myself –depression sucks and googled it — well here I am. Funny how depression causes procrastination or is it vise versa — In my case I do not know — Anyway I need to get some things done that have been eating at me for three years but I just won’t do it– WHyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????? Enough about me– Well Claire, I don’t know you and just came across your post tonight — I doubt you ever visit this page anymore but I hope you are doing well.

  6. binarybuzz says:

    Funny.. I too googled “depression sucks” and ended up here. I’ve been getting treatment for the last year for the first in my long life. With meds and counseling I’ve come so far, but right now I feel like I’m back at square one.

    I wish the best for all of you. I sort of expect that eventually it will okay, but I just don’t know how long I can stand it..

  7. sadme says:

    I googled Depression Sucks and hit I Feel Lucky…. This is ver’ ver’ odd… Makes me smile for a moment, though, how nice!! I just needed to know i am not the only one out there.. Thanks.

  8. nerdychick says:

    Same here – Googled ‘depression sucks’ and ended up here. Whole body aches, extremely tired, and very irritable. Nothing is touching the physical or mental pain. Only thing getting me through is experience knowing this will eventually pass, no matter how ugly and dark it feels right now. But God yes…depression sucks the big one. And it’s a life long thing you cycle through. I’ve yet to meet anyone who has had more than one major episode who was cured for life. That’s a depressing thought…

  9. gillyf says:

    me too re the googling thing. Had two major episodes to date. Always living with the knowledge that the next one could hit at any moment.

  10. R says:

    Despession sucks. I Googled. Take meds, they help. Alot. I can almost focus again.

  11. fennec says:

    Depression really sucks for me knowing that all of their drugs make me feel like shit and the only drugs for this are not legal
    and are demonised because we have a control freak government that would sooner see you in a grave than see you happy…

  12. I googled this site too w/ ‘depression sucks’. I go through depression spells every couple of weeks nad they last from either a day to as long as 2 weeks. I don’t take any meds, never went to any psychiatrist. But I am pretty sure what I have is depression, seeing that some of the descriptions here and on other documents run parallel to my behaviors.

    I think we just have to ride these tough tiems out. The biggest priority in my mind is finding the fruit of these moods of depression. I mean there has to be something taht I can do now that I cannot usually do… We all have to find the good side of it.

    DEPRESSION SUCKS

  13. Tired says:

    It makes me tired all the time. Some times the meds help.I hate going to work.Makes my body ache and sometimes makes me physically ill. House is empty, life is empty. I’m tired of fighting, tired of feeling this way. Somehow I keep going….for now.

  14. Me says:

    Well I’m back and it’s been almost 7 month’s since I posted here. I see a few more people did the same as I and googled the infamous phrase. Well I still have not got those things taken care of that I wanted to in my original post on 9/9/07 and yes it’s almost midnight again. Not all has been bad, a few good days — a few bad days — and a lot of just days and days. It’s even harder during the winter due to the weather. I just heard on the news it’s been 175 days since it’s been 70 degrees and I can’t remember what the sun is. Well procrastination and laziness are still my best friends and with friends like those who needs enemies. How do I loose those guys– help anyone… I need to sleep at night so I don’t want to all day too– AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! Oh well I hope everyone else is still here and getting by anyway. Happy April !!

  15. Travis Pawlikowski says:

    I too googled “Depression Sucks”. What do you know? People who feel horrible and what to die all the time, all have a wonderfully macabre sense of humor. :P

  16. as all have said… i too have googled depression sucks…. i hate it with a passion, ive lost everything but my life and the place i live in because my dad owns it. i have no friends and my family will only come over if i beg i need something and then they will just honk in the driveway and wait for me to shuffle out. ive been on effexor and i cant quit and it makes my anxiety worse? wtf? i again have tried to ween and on day 6 im ready to end it all, not really because i wont give up, i have hope. i love the time when i am happy, even though they are far and few in between they make me feel like its worth the loooong wait and suffering. i am a photographer and now just basically document my life since i havent worked in 8 months. i recently got on welfare and am at least eating regularly. i dont care what people think . i have gone back to the drawing board… i am pretending i am in kindergarten again and learn how to wake up and get a shower(cold since i have no gas) brush my teeth and eat food. yes i sit and stare at the wall (alot) but my memories and dreams keep me busy till around 5pm when the anxiety hits me like a ton of bricks…. then……. well i do whateer i have to to deal. i know it not the answer but im only human and if there is something to temporarily mask the pain well im gonna do it… right now im half finished with a 1.5 liter bottle of wine…. yes your saying… dude, stop drinking… well, thats easy to say… it makes me feel better…. SO THERE YOU FUCKING THERA{PIST OF MINE THINKING IM STRUNG OUT ON DOPE>>>> IM NOT>>>> I DRINK…… SO MUCH FOR WHAT YOU KNOW…..>>>>> I HATE THIS SHIT SO MUCH…. AND EFFEXOR IS AN EVIL DRUG…… I THINK ALL ANTI DEPRESSANTS ARE BULLSHIT…. IVE BEEN ON THEM ALL AND NOTHING WORKS SO WHATS THE ANSWER…. AND I JUST STARTED DRINKING AGAIN AFTER 15 YEARS OF NOT SO THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM, ITS ME, ITS HOW PEOPLE SEE ME, THEY ALWAYS LAUGH AND POKE FUN…. OH WELL, I DONT CARE CAUSE I LIKE ME AND WHEN IM ALONE THINGS ARE OK….IM JUST AN ETERNAL HERMIT I THINK AND A LONELY MISUNDERSTOOD ARTIST…. AT LEAST MY PHOTOGRAPHY HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN 23 COUNTRIES… NOW IF I COULD JUST PIVK UP THE CAMERA AFTER 8 MONTHS THINGS WOULD BE A BIT BETTER…. ok im off my soapbox now…. bye

  17. AG says:

    My brain chemistry just sucks. Worse still, I can’t even get on meds because my ex-husband is just looking for an excuse to haul me back into family court (never mind that he’s the biggest pot smoker I know).
    When I feel a depressive episode coming on, I can usually stall it a few days with a combo of positive thinking (I am not the biggest loser ever) and legal but non-prescription chemicals. The dark sea of shame, hopelessness, and self-loathing tugs at me but when I get out of bed and go to work or do something with my kids, the victory buys me some time. I only let myself “go under” late, late at night or when my kids are away.

  18. Elizabeth says:

    I first remember suffering from depression when I was 16 years old (I am 28 now). For me I am not necessairly upset, but I feel that things are too diffucult. For example, getting up at 7AM getting a shower, and getting ready for work or school is a tremendous challenge. I jump into bed and take a nap any chance I can get. I would hide these naps from friends and family. I was always successful in school and seem cheerful so it has been easy for me to disguise my condition.

    When I finished my master’s degree and started a full-time job from 8AM-5PM it became more diffucult to hide my depression. Many times I couldn’t focus on my work and I made mistakes that were crucial and eventually led to me getting fired. I have been unemployed for 6 months and am concerned that the same thing will happen at my next job. I am in almost $50,000 in credit card debt to top it off and I feel overwhelmed by this fact. My depression probably attributed to this debt because I use credit cards to cover my mistakes or to try to induce happiness. Not sure what to do…….I can’t afford counseling or medication. Will have to put it on my already high credit cards…………

  19. fairystar says:

    oh don’t i know it! depression sucks so bad!
    i’ve had recurrent major depression since the 7th grade. when things are going well…they are fabulous but it seems that every time depression creeps up on me it gets 10 times worse. i too am on effexor and it helped numb my feelings of sadness a bit but i still feel like total crap. i haven’t been able to finish medical school. so much for being able to help others fight this ridiculous disease.
    i am over 100,000 dollars in debt….never had a problem finding a job until august after i left my last job b/c i had broken down in tears and couldn’t stop. usually i have these uncontrollable crying sessions but i usually wait until i get home.
    anywya…haven’t worked in almost a year….sallie mae sent me to collections. this is all very surreal to me. i’ve tried so hard to fight this disease with the help of therapists and meds and still..nothing. i haven’t been in therapy every year…only when i was able to afford it. i’ve had to move back home to live with my elderly parents who are retired. i feel like i’ve gotten worse throughout the years even though i’ve done everything in my power to try and help myself. i haven’t showered in about 5 days and i don’t care. isn’t that gross? ugh. our health care system HAS to change in favor of those with depression. we aren’t “lazy” like some people say…we are sick. we need help and it’s sooooooooo difficult to even make that phone call to receive help b/c you feel a kind of paralysis preventing you from doing anything. it’s just so hard to explain and it’s draining to do so. i don’t think it’s fair that people with depression are expected to take care of themselvese in this manner. we need the help of professionals and family members. people need to understand that we don’t CHOOSE to not be able to work and that it’s humiliating to feel this way! my family looks at me like i’m a fuck-up and i’m lazy. i feel ashamed but i know that there’s something bigger than me controlling my emotions.
    i just wish i had monetary help. i hate feeling this way and unfortunately can’t afford a therapist right now…so once again i have to let the depression run it’s course….and unfortunately it’s been so extreme this year and my chances of returning to grad school have been destroyed b/c of being sent to collections. this is total bullshit. i’m angry, frustrated b/c i WANT help and have to make a thousand phone calls to get help….those of you who understand depression know how difficult it is to make calls like this. ugh. it’s torture living with this.

  20. dk says:

    Wow,Iv’e really been thinking I was alone for all these years, but it’s nice to know there are others out there.I struggle with depression everyday and it seems to get worse every year. Iv’e taken countless numbers of meds tried therapy and nothing really works.I hate waking up in the morning and have to force myself to go to work and thats if I make it in, if i had my wish, I would sleep all day and avoid the outside world. The only time I am happy or feel like a normal person is when I drink or take some type of mood altering substance, but the next day things are ten times worse. I do have some good days but they are few and far between and they are tinged with the fact that these good feelings won’t last and that tomorrow I could be a completely different person.I’m so sick of being caught up in this cycle and I don’t know how much longer I can deal, I just want to be normal!

  21. too tired says:

    Unbelievable… I have put “depression sucks” on my cell phone. I can’t take it anymore either. (I’ve said that a million times). I decided to type “depression sucks” in my search and found so many others did the same thing. Does anyone out there feel like you have so much to offer the world, or you feel like there are hidden talents screaming to come out? I do. I feel like doing so many things, making a difference, volunteering, learning new things I’m sure I would discover I’m great at. But I am being held down kinda like I was a prisoner but not in a jail, I think jail would be an improvement sometimes. I feel like I’m in a sick camp where gaurds are watching and waiting to see me smile and chuckle over a funny joke, then they move right in and put crates of cinder blocks on me to make sure I don’t dare try that again. I see 01/30/10 is the last post. Is there any kind of group out there looking to pick eachother up somehow? Well…. my best to everyone out there. I know that people who don’t suffer from depression don’t understand. Some say they do but I know deep inside most of them thing we are just lazy losers. Let me add… I believe I suffered my whole life from depression but didn’t realize til a couple of years ago. I used to think I was depressed because I didn’t make enough money. Then, for 2006 (and only that year) I was doing good, able to pay my bills and actually able to save a little each week. Well I found myself coming home from work and sleeping whenever I had the chance. I was sad constantly and at home the tears would pour out. I knew then that it wasn’t the money. I sought help and started wellbutrin and I can say the crying stopped but that was it. A year later I was given lexipro to start with the wellbutrin but I took 1/2 a pill, had a bad reaction and didn’t continue. I am not taking anything now and want something different, The old stuff didn’t seem to be doing it for me. I started drinking v8 with a scoop of this green vibrance powder and could swear it was balancing me a little but stopped because It’s just too expensive for me but would love to know what ingredients or combination would possibly help depression? Maybe no new posts means something good?

  22. Alex Styles says:

    Depression is really horrible. Its not fair. Do see your doctor and get help because you can get better.

  23. Too tired, I couldn’t believe what you said about knowing you had something to offer, and wanting to do more, but feeling so held back (by invisible forces, so to speak), I’ve been feeling that way me WHOLE life!!!! Never knew any one else who felt that way *sigh of relief* I’m bi-polar, have been for most of my life, but had a breakdown 2yr’s ago after a series of botched surgeries, apparently anesthesia is a very risky and tricky thing for people with depression and you therapist/psychiatrist should ALWAYS be consulted, (just a hind sight for everyone!). As far as med’s, I’ve been on several and it turned out that I can NOT take SSRI’s, a small % of people just can’t, so now I am on an SNRI, specifically Effexor…we are still adjusting the doasge, but I actually have hope for this one. I do have to take Xanax when I have an extreme anxiety attack, but that’s only 1 or 2 x a week. I would definitely go to a Dr. get a referral to a Pyschiatrist, mine is not a “lay down and tell me your problems” Psych, he is a Medical Pysch who only deals with the chemical side of things and refers people to talk therapy if they need it or want it. Good luck to all, what a pleasent surpirse when I was having a crappy night! Thanks!

  24. Tony says:

    I came across your site, when I googled, depression sucks! I’m glad I am not the only one who thinks so. It is hard having depression because it is something that is almost impossible for other people to see or understand.
    Depression medicine for the most part has not been much of a help for me, but for some people it does amazing things.
    I take effexor XR and that has been the most helpful out of trying every drug for the last 15 years. Unfortunetly it stops working and I have to come off of it and go back on several weeks later. It is no miracle for me, but helps a little.
    There is a new treatment for depression called Transcranail Stimulation. I am trying to get the treatment for myself. It has helped some people who are resistant to antidepressants or those who can not take it. It is about $10,000 for a 4 – 6 weeks of treatment. It is done 5 days a week for 45 minutes. It is painless, and only has a small risk of side effects.
    Right now insurance won’t pay for it. I am fighting with them as best I can. At this point I hope they all get depression and suffer with it.
    well the name of the company that is around here is called neurostar. Though there are other a few other ones i belive. Until I get approved for it, I think I will probably just sit around and sleep until I rot away! LOL. I hope you find a good doc and some good medicine, cause I understand what you are going through.

  25. Sorry to say “It’s nice to find others that feel like me” because I wouldn’t wish this crap on anyone. I just started a blog to “vent” about my depression which I have had for decades now. Have to add a link to this post. Hope you are having a better day!

  26. Hi, There is a lot of new research around that gives different approaches. Simple computer guided cognitive training can modulate the dopamine pathways and affect the reward system. People doing just a few months of 1/2 hr /day four times per week on their computer, were less likely to suffer depresive symptoms even 5 years later. They felt happier and more competent. You could check out the website http://www.brainmagic.com

  27. irv green says:

    Yes, depresion is horrble. I am suprised to see so many people who can articulate their concerns so well. So often individuals cannot do so, in that their depression does not allow them a free perspective on their dilemma. I think anyone who can discuss their circumstance as well as most people on this blog have done, is well on the way to health and contentment.

  28. Kelly says:

    I too suffer from depression and it gets really bad in the winter and especially christmas…….its does really suck and the medications have so many side effects wish i could get rid of it

  29. Kathy says:

    Depression does suck. Been dealing with it for many, many years. Decades actually.
    I have a genetic component which meds help with, but they do seem to lose their effectiveness after a period of time. That is because your brain resets to adjust to the meds. I have recently have added psychotherapy to my treatment – cognitive behavioral therapy – and what a difference that makes. I feel better than I ever have snd actually feel like I could improve to normalcy. CBT and meds have made a difference , but will take some work on your part. To get the most out of therapy you need to have an open mind and put some effort into doing some homework.

  30. me says:

    I first posted 9/9/2007, then on 4/3/2008, and now 11/28/2010. On one hand it sucks that I’m still here 3 years later but I guess it’s better than being here daily. Since my last post my 18 year old nephew passed of a 4 year long battle with cancer, my 2 year old granddaughter was diagnosed with liver cancer a year ago and is now 3 years old. After an invasive surgery removing lots of organs she is cancer free (at the expense of a donor who gave of themselves and was not so fortunate). Then last month my best friend, my 84 year old father, died. It has been a hell of a 2010 and I can’t say I’m sorry to see it get the hell out of here. I am like everyone else here — living the day. I think the only thing that keeps me going is doing for a 23 year old terribly mixed up girl and her daughter (the cancer survivor) whom we adopted when she was 16 when her mother passed. Other than that I really don’t care — or perhaps I’m past that…. I just feel numb to life. That being said I encourage everyone here to try a positive attitude for Christmas this year. I believe, and I hope you all will to, that it can get/be a lot worse and others have it much harder than I. I try to feel blessed, and I hope you will also, to have what we do. Gain strength from those who carry a heavier cross. Merry Christmas Everyone and I pray we all may be better.

  31. Jane says:

    Wow. I just read through everyone’s posts and like more than half of you, I did too google “depression sucks” and came across this. Everyone has described depression as I’ve felt and it’s nice to know that I am not alone. But, it scares me that I am now 20 and have been dealing with depression since I was 14, and that it seems like most of you have been dealing with it way longer than I have. So I wonder, what will happen to me in a few years when I graduate college, get a job, start a family, (that is if I even do all that) and I’m still feeling like this, or maybe even feeling worse than I already do? I don’t want to think about it, but of course, depression sucks, and the most horrible thoughts creep up in your mind all the time. :-/ Well, for now I feel better, and I hope I can hold on to that feeling for a little longer. I hope everyone’s hanging in there.

  32. Opheliac says:

    Depression is freaking horrible. And after having a super shitastic day and having nobody to talk to about it (as I haven’t been able to afford a therapist in months, also, my meds aren’t working anymore, but I can’t afford those anymore either anyway so I need to talk to my doctor about being taken off of them), I felt like the only thing I could do (because reading didn’t work, like it usually does) was go into google and type what perfectly described my feelings. I bet you can already guess those two words.

    I’m almost glad for it, though, because it’s amazing to see that people are still commenting on this piece, even after six years have passed. But on the other hand, it’s also extremely saddening to know that the feeling that drove me here is also what drove so many other people here, too. And, for anyone who may come back and read this– or for any one who may be driven here– I wish you well, and hope you can overcome what you’re feeling.

  33. Jay says:

    It is certainly amazing how many of us have gotten here from Googling “Depression SUCKS!” Having known I have had this since 2008, and probably having it a LOT longer not knowing what it was, I hate the down part. I have been on Lexapro since being diagnosed back in 2008, and I believe it is still working, and that it is just my job that is causing me the stress I have been having. Gotta love the economic downturn and the expectations of more out of each of the fewer on the job… Still with this most recent down now dragging on for the better part of a month, even with purchasing my first home I do find myself wondering if the Lexapro is starting not to work? Refreshing is not the right word, perhaps comforting is more fitting of what it feels like to see that I am not by far the only one feeling this way. I hate it, I HATE it, I HATE IT! Jesus comfort me please, you know I need your comforting arms to just wrap around me right now, b/c this depression is starting to be yuck again!

  34. Laura says:

    depression has been a big unfortunate part of my life for to damn long. i too found this site with the google search term depression sucks. i started reading it on my phone then switched to my laptop when i got home. it’s been a bad day. it’s kind of been a bad life and even worse since ’05.

    i take lexapro and xanax and i’m thinking that the combo isnt working anymore. time to make that appointment if i could only get motivated to do it. i’m affraid of being put on lithium. i’ve been on all kinds of antidepressants and mood stabilizers. UGH!!! what a pain in the ass that is trying to figure out the right dosages and combinations to use.

    i’ve had a lot more episodes this year than i’ve ever had in the past. i’m not sure why that is, it just feels like everything is crumbling around me and i cant stop it. i want to scream. i want to laugh. i want to punch things. i want to have fun with my friends. i want to drive my car off of a bridge. i want to be rid of this feeling that my lungs are collapsing and i cant breath. i want there to be an end to this thing called depression, but i know that wont happen… so i’ll just go crawl in bed and wait until this wave passes over and i feel better again. and then i’ll wait for the depression again.

  35. Jay says:

    Laura,
    You just described me to a “T”. Wow.

  36. Anonymous says:

    I just want to not wake up

  37. David says:

    It must be bad when you are googling “Depression Sucks”. I have suffered since 2000 off and on. Goes in streaks with me. Sometimes feel pretty good and normal and other times unbearable. I beat myself up asking myself, am I unhappy or depressed. When I feel normal I look back and see it was depression but when you are in the middle of it you can’t tell. I take peace in knowing that my life is 1/2 over as I am 48 and that this shit won’t last forever. Waiting to die in Iowa.

  38. Michelle says:

    Yeah everyone here pretty much sums it up; Depression sucks. I am 21 years old and was hit with depression a year and a half ago. And I was hit hard. All I ever want to do is sleep and …..sleep some more. I actually quit my job because of it. I always have this constant brain fog and it seems that everything is in black and white. Everything in my world has lost its vibrant color and meaning. Simple tasks such as going to the store, getting ready, etc. is so difficult for me. It frustrates me because I feel like I’m drowning and no one wants to help. Before all this I used to laugh at depression commercials and now I’m really suffering from

  39. Michelle says:

    last post continued….and now I’m really suffering from depression. I never thought in a million years I would get depression. Anyways I’m currently taking Wellbutrin 150mg and im not so sure of it. I think it might be making me worse. It’s hard to tell since its like I have no feelings at all. I do have god in life though in the midst of all this and I pray everyday for this condition I’m in. I also pray for everyone else out there who suffers from this. God bless everyone :)

  40. David says:

    Michelle:

    Talk to your Dr. about switching up your medications. Try Pristiq and Wellbutrin at the same time. They can play with your meds to get you on the right track.

    GOOD LUCK and I will say a prayer as well.

  41. Darren says:

    Ive been taking medication mainly for generalized anxiety but also feel I have some depression and very down feeling days, like the last few especially- which brought me here. For the most part my medication has really worked wonders for me. Anyway when I read some of the above posts I almost feel somehow unqualified to be here. But I certainly know how these feelings can be so debilitating! I hate them so much!!! Anyway, if anyone out there with a similar condition would be interested in having an email buddy to talk to I’d totally love to hear from you. !

  42. Hannah says:

    Hi. Depression does suck.. A lot. Ive been suffering off and on (mostly on) for as long as I can remember. I remember my mother always being depressed while I was growing up. She actually tried to kill herself a few times. I really don’t want my child to have these type of memories about me. So I try to smile and drag myself through the day and them after she goes to bed I cry myself to sleep. My fiancĂ© has told me about two other girls that he dated who were depressed. So even though he is supportive I feel like I can’t let him see how sad I am all the time. Not to mention the fact that I have a constant internal battle of voices in My head saying I’m not good enough for him, I’m too fat, my boobs are saggy and I have ugly pimple scars in my face… Im on day 7 of celexa and I feel terrible. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is considered suicidal thoughts.. I mean I don’t have a plan I could never see myself doing it, but sometimes I think it wouldn’t be so bad… I just wanna sleep for a long long time is all. I don’t know… It just sucks…

  43. David says:

    Hannah – go back to the DR. and tell them this. They can switch up your meds until you have the right combination. Trust me – I went 5 years feeling like shit.

  44. Tig says:

    Hello all my fellow wack jobs immobilized geniuses
    Just needed to find a place to say how dead I feel
    Don’t want to die but this isNOT living
    Zero motivation or energyI

  45. David says:

    Tig – have you been to the DR? We have all been there. Seek help and I guarantee that they can help.

  46. Julia says:

    Came upon this site tonight. I don’t want anyone else to feel depressed, but it is comforting in some odd way to know I am not alone. Tig I hope you went to the doctor.

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