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April 29th, 2005
Fear

Let’s talk about fear. I am not going to make it, either in my soap business or Jafra if I don’t address my fears and get over them.

So many of my fears I think are rooted in how I was raised, how our society expects women to act, how my personality works. I fear the sting of rejection. This goes all the way back to being 5 years old and too scared to go up and ask the other kids if I could jumprope with them, all because they might say no. I have to acknowledge that asking the question “Will you do X for me” where X is schedule a Pamper Session or buy my soap or join my consultant team is absolutely key to succeeding in business and if I can’t do it, I might as well find another job. I HAVE to get over my fear of rejection and ask.

What accompanies the fear of rejection that stops me from asking the question? Fear of offending, fear of intruding in someone else’s “space” (by telephone, for example), fear of being perceived as a nuisance. It’s Little Mouse syndrome – I just want to be a little mouse in the corner, not bothering anyone, not getting in anyone’s way or attracting any attention whatsoever. This is connected to the way girls are socialized to be “pleasers” – as women and girls, we should strive to please people, not offend them, says society. This socialization is deadly for women and it’s something those of us who suffer from it should try to get over.

Then there’s the fear of failure. If I don’t try, I can’t fail. Um, duh Claire, if you didn’t even try, isn’t that a failure right there? Failure to take a chance?

I guess this also ties to the fact that I don’t like being asked the question myself because I hate saying No to people. Again, socialization – women aren’t supposed to say no, we’re pleasers darnit, and we should say yes and make people happy! At least, that’s what society says. So it makes me uncomfortable to put other women in a position where they might have to say No to me – because I know it sure makes me uncomfortable saying no. I’ve bought things I didn’t really want because I didn’t want to say no.

But other women’s hangups shouldn’t be my problem. We should all have the confidence to say yes and mean it and say no and mean it and not have these hot, uncomfortable feelings when faced with someone asking us for something.

Fears are paralyzing and they’re currently paralyzing me. I have to get moving again, I have to get over these awful fears. I want to succeed, and somehow that desire has to become stronger than the fears.

Posted by Claire at 02:11 PM | Days Go By | Comments (0) | Tweet This Post

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